Friday, December 19, 2008
ABW Part 5: Know Your Worth
Be honest. How much do you discuss men? Think about men? Dream about men? Do you want a relationship? Are you 'dying' for a man to look at you the way McDreamy looks at Meredith in Grey's Anatomy? I know it is Hollywood but that man looks at that woman and those eyes... those eyes tell it all. Yes, I'll take one McDreamy to Go, please. My sister prayer circle (my network of loving and supportive sistas) and I have had many discussions about men. What do men really want? What kind of relationships do we want? Can we have a "FWINE" Brotha, with some money, who loves God, reads his bible, and has a real relationship with Jesus Christ? Is that too much to Ask? What is going on with this "down-low mess? Are there real men (who LOOK good) that love Jesus? Can we really have it "all" in a relationship? LOL We have read the books. We have studied, we have probed, and we have believed! We want to be loved... We can't deny it. We want to be loved WELL. We want to be treasured. We want to be blessed with a man who sees our inherent value and will love and cherish us unconditionally. Our god-fearing, knight-in-shiny-armani... We have dedicated so much time to the Y chromosome that it will make your brain go "TILT" overload, overload... and make a beeping noise. LOL After all of this discussion, prayers, teers, jeers, and cheers... you know the point I have arrived at today? I need to see my own worth before a man will ever see it! I need to nourish and cherish myself and see my own inherent value before I can demand that a man see it. I once loved a guy so much until it made my heart hurt. I'm telling you... I had a toothache kind of pain where my heartbeat shoulda been. He was the kind of guy that made your liver quiver... education, quasi-spiritual, good looking, nice job, easy going, easy talker... all the qualities for the making of that once-in-a-lifetime soulmate kind of relationship. Problem was... and you knew there was a problem didn't you... hell, I am angry for a reason. LOL Problem was... Dude knew his worth... and I did not know mine. He perfected the art of the disengaged-I-can-let-you-go-at-the-drop-of-a-dime-and-replace-you-with-another-model brand of love. I wish I coulda perfected the let-me-go-then-fool-I-am-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-you brand of reciprocity. But OH NO! There is something about love that sometimes enables a woman to separate herself from her self-respect. LOL I think I divorced my self-respect at times in this relationship. After many, many, months on the best shrink in the world's sofa (his name is Dr. Jesus), Dr. J gave me some prescriptions that I had to take 3 - 4 times a day. I had to learn to VALUE myself. I had to LEARN to RELAX in God's love. Dr. J has a way of rubbing off on you if you hang out with him enough. For the Angry Black Woman inside of you, please learn, study, understand, and KNOW YOUR WORTH! Anger Management 101: KNOW YOUR WORTH! LOL Class dismissed!
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Hi Ms.Perry, as I was reading "know your worth" I was asking myself a few questions so that I can help with a comment or two. I hope it makes sense but if it doesn't let me know and I'll try to explain it better.
The old phrase "careful what you ask for because you just might get it" holds true here. Sistas say they want so many things and I don't think there is a man that can live up to such a tall order for the rest of his life once he gets involved with a woman. Let me explain...or at least try!
"FWINE brotha, with some money, who loves God, reads his bible, and has a real relationship with Jesus Christ?" in all good circles this man may exist but with that dedication comes responsibility. The days of our parents or grandparents way of relationship thinking doesn't work too well today.
"FWINE" I'll give you this one because we all deserve some form of eye candy and as we get to know a person they get better looking everyday because you took the time to get to know the person.
"Loves God" Sistas will know if a man does not love God in 5 minutes of talking to him. If she turns an eye to any signals that a guy is a devil worshipper or just plain wrong in eveything he does with no regard for the core basic rules of the heart and others then she gets what she deserves.
"Reads the Bible" people don't talk about how the get their information about their religon but we both know its from parents when we grew up, bible study, Sunday school and what we are told to believe and what we see to be right from wrong. So if a woman is not asking in the first 5 minutes of talking to a guy if he reads the bible or has a true relationship with God then she needs to move on. If he does have a true relationship with God, he wuld not be shy or embarrased about telling you that. I think conversations between him and his friends will put that conversation into the light and he will not be afraid or embarrassed about speaking on it and is able to find the info if he doesn't know. You would need to see that for yourself and make a decision from what you observe. Now most brothas that work or have a business will have this kind of conversation at the Barber shop (Al Sharpton's Sharp Talk)would be an example or any casual gathering spot where the discussion can get deep but not on the basketball court or bar. Now, having it with you is a little different because some guys want to win your hand so bad they may say anything. Truthfully though the last thing on his mind is discussing the different books in the bible over coffee with a woman he doesn't know on a casual first date. (I'm just sayin'!!!)Down the road several dates later...maybe but remember this all takes time and you may have to date a couple of guys at the same time (not intimately) to have options to way against.
I think if you want to find the good guy you seek you need to change your thought processes, seek new places to go, not around your neighborhood or places you frequent. Find a different hobby or event to go to that you may not normally checkout. Look inside you to see what makes you attract the same type of guys all the time. You cause your own problems as much as they create them, in your body language, actins, conversation and tones to name a few.
Revamp your style and your image a bit and maybe try the guy that is ok looking on the outside and he may be "FWINER" in the long run than you ever thought. Remember you said your friend has a man/husband that adores her and they fight all the time. Well why is that...does he know himself and his worth and she does not? It's hard to mesh two seperate worlds together when they have never been put together before and then finding a happy medium so that you can grow together.
Now we want each other to be successful in several different ways but we don't want to wait or work for it like our parents did for each other but if we don't learn some patience and restraint and stop trying to live for the Jackson's and the Jones' we are going to forever continue to come up short.
BlkAv8tor2003
P.S. Sorry it's quite long but I hope I got my point across or at least you can understand me a little.
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