Friday, December 19, 2008
ABW Part 5: Know Your Worth
Be honest. How much do you discuss men? Think about men? Dream about men? Do you want a relationship? Are you 'dying' for a man to look at you the way McDreamy looks at Meredith in Grey's Anatomy? I know it is Hollywood but that man looks at that woman and those eyes... those eyes tell it all. Yes, I'll take one McDreamy to Go, please. My sister prayer circle (my network of loving and supportive sistas) and I have had many discussions about men. What do men really want? What kind of relationships do we want? Can we have a "FWINE" Brotha, with some money, who loves God, reads his bible, and has a real relationship with Jesus Christ? Is that too much to Ask? What is going on with this "down-low mess? Are there real men (who LOOK good) that love Jesus? Can we really have it "all" in a relationship? LOL We have read the books. We have studied, we have probed, and we have believed! We want to be loved... We can't deny it. We want to be loved WELL. We want to be treasured. We want to be blessed with a man who sees our inherent value and will love and cherish us unconditionally. Our god-fearing, knight-in-shiny-armani... We have dedicated so much time to the Y chromosome that it will make your brain go "TILT" overload, overload... and make a beeping noise. LOL After all of this discussion, prayers, teers, jeers, and cheers... you know the point I have arrived at today? I need to see my own worth before a man will ever see it! I need to nourish and cherish myself and see my own inherent value before I can demand that a man see it. I once loved a guy so much until it made my heart hurt. I'm telling you... I had a toothache kind of pain where my heartbeat shoulda been. He was the kind of guy that made your liver quiver... education, quasi-spiritual, good looking, nice job, easy going, easy talker... all the qualities for the making of that once-in-a-lifetime soulmate kind of relationship. Problem was... and you knew there was a problem didn't you... hell, I am angry for a reason. LOL Problem was... Dude knew his worth... and I did not know mine. He perfected the art of the disengaged-I-can-let-you-go-at-the-drop-of-a-dime-and-replace-you-with-another-model brand of love. I wish I coulda perfected the let-me-go-then-fool-I-am-the-best-thing-that-ever-happened-to-you brand of reciprocity. But OH NO! There is something about love that sometimes enables a woman to separate herself from her self-respect. LOL I think I divorced my self-respect at times in this relationship. After many, many, months on the best shrink in the world's sofa (his name is Dr. Jesus), Dr. J gave me some prescriptions that I had to take 3 - 4 times a day. I had to learn to VALUE myself. I had to LEARN to RELAX in God's love. Dr. J has a way of rubbing off on you if you hang out with him enough. For the Angry Black Woman inside of you, please learn, study, understand, and KNOW YOUR WORTH! Anger Management 101: KNOW YOUR WORTH! LOL Class dismissed!